As the sun began to peek its head this morning, my soul awoke too.
Laying with one size 8 and 13 bare feet in my face and a soft little hand resting on my arm, I laid still listening to my children breathe as they slept; just as I would when they were babies.
I was filled with a feeling like none other. An overwhelming amount of love, joy and saddness. You may be wondering how on earth can you feel love when you are sad or joy even for that matter. I am not talking about grief stricken pain, Im talking about the chords on my heart that were formed when I became a mother for the first time.
Tears have been pooling in my eyes at bedtime as I tuck my lil 5 year old munchkin in at night. One might think I need medication, but I know medication could not touch this feeling that I am feeling. I think its just a part of life. I've been referring to these moments as 'smilestones' they may make me tear up but my heart is smiling.
Packing Max's Batman backpack with all of his school supplies has been fun. I know I have been a mother for 5.5years however, today I truly feel I have stepped "into" a new chapter of motherhood. No longer packing toys, diapers, wet wipes, bottles, snacks or extra outfits. Now packing, lunches and making sure he is clothed out the door. Oh yea, and making sure he is NOT the smelly kid on the playground and spraying him with some Febreeze on his way out. Letting Go, I am finding is a hard concept for me in these moments in life.
To my son, Max, I know you can't read but you know the words to one of our favorite books, "I'll love you forever, like you for always, as long as Im living my baby you'll be."- although, I think its kind of creepy that the son climbed into his mothers window to hold her when she is in her blue hair years, I still like the message. I am excited and anxious to watch you blossom into a Kindergartner this year.
PS- to anyone reading this...please note, my blog site will be changing in the next couple weeks...I will contact you:)
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